Art, Commerce and that Guy from Australia

“There are festivals and there are film market events,” the grey-bearded producer in a white linen jacket with blue pinstripes informs me, “but this is the best combination of both.”

He should know (he tells me) he’s been doing this for 30 years. It’s a pleasure talking to this guy as we wait in line for the screening of Fair Game. He sums up how Cannes has changed in 30 years with one word: Drugs. “Before,” he says, “the African man on the corner selling umbrellas was also selling Moroccan hash. Not so much of that anymore – though you can still find it if you’re looking for it.” He adds this last bit as if to reassure me.

He’s carrying a laptop with a trailer or rough cut of a mockumentary about a rock star who fell out of the public eye due to drug use and is making a comeback that a friend of his who is trying to make his own comeback is making. (It didn’t sound quite so meta- as it does writing it.) I couldn’t bring myself to ask him: hasn’t that been done a couple of Spinal Taps back?

Later, I look him up on IMDB and sure enough – a man by that name has indeed been producing for the last 30 years. But whether he gave Naomi Watts her first big break in Australia (the reason, he tells me, he is interested in this film) that information is a bit more sketchy. I see no production in which both of their names are mentioned.

But I’m intrigued to hear stories from Festival Veterans like this – they’re one of several different species that flock to the coast of the Mediterranean this time of year….

Just minutes before, I had been sitting in the American Pavilion where one of the young film student volunteers stood directly behind me – and rather than wander the table getting orders (which his companion was doing with Olympian earnestness “Can I help you? Anything? Anything?”) – he played air drums: CH-ccch-ccch-TCCH!-ccch-ccch-TCCCH! His hands moved in a steady rhythm whether he was nailing an air highhat or an air snare. He called everyone he met, regardless of race or gender, “dude” with a frequency that would embarrass Sean Penn’s Spiccolli (though I did notice when an African-American volunteer approached him it was: “‘ssup, dude? What are you DOING?!!!” He asked this question as if the man was about to set someone’s hair on fire. “I’m just putting the menus on the table,” the guy said as if to calm his eager co-worker down.)

But one particular behavior sets our Drumming Dude apart, a behavior you see among others of his sub-species Juvenis Clueless (which should be noted as different from Juvenis Genius of which there are a couple floating around in sunglasses and dark clothes)… and that behavior is: Indiscriminate Fawning.

Let’s listen in and watch this behavior in action, shall we?....

A co-worker has informed Drumming Dude that several other volunteers have begun setting up for the upcoming Short Film roundtable [NOTE: Editors have not supplemented any ‘dudes’ for this verbatim conversation:]

“So, dude, who’s in the roundtable anyway?”
“James Franco and three other filmmakers.”
“James Franco. Dude, who’s James Franco?”
“He was in the Spiderman One and Two, Pineapple Express, Milk….”
“Really? Oh. Oh, dude – can I help out with any tech?”
“We’re pretty well covered.”
“Camera? Who’s shooting this? Dude, do you think I could talk them in to switching?.”
“No. We’re all set.”
“But who-- who’s doing the camera? Audio? Maybe I could talk to them?”
“Really. We’re all set.”
“Oh, dude – I’d really like to hear James Franco.”

From complete ignorance of the very name James Franco to earnest fan in 10 lines of dialog. You have to kind of admire the single-mindedness.

Of course, seated in the American Pavilion and reporting all of this dialog is your very own correspondent: of the species known as aging, bespectacled Midwest-tern, known throughout the world for its stereotyping and snap judgments.